Snark Part Deux
by leppress
Summary: Part 2 of Snark. With Sash's kind permission, and in collaboration with her. Dante and Vergil at it again.
1. Default Chapter

First of all, the legal mumbo jumbo: Disclaimer: All DMC characters and entities are © Capcom. We do not own them, and are using them without permission. And are not making any financial gain in doing so.

This is fiction. Anything remotely resembling real life, is purely coincedental. Snark is a collaboration between Sash and Leppress, and based upon hypothetical chats we've had. There is some Mary Sue in this, but it's not blatant. 

Oh and fair warning, this story is copyrighted by me. It also appears on ff.net. It is not to be archived, copied or otherwise without our written permission. Both references to Dante, as "Horndog", "Woof", and Vergil as "Goatboy" are our exclusive ideas...Sorry no takey! Any violations to this copyright will be taken very seriously.

The two females flopped bonelessly onto the couch amidst groans, satisfied smiles on their lips. The twins merely looked at them with amused disgust as they simply lay there. Sash licked her lips, grinning as she exhaled.

"My lips are all tingly now." She giggled. 

Beside her, Leppress snorted loudly, her arms wrapped around her own stomach with a knowing smile. 

"Was that because of the hot and sour soup or Goatboy?" 

"Hmm…tough." She laughed as Vergil turned to face her, an unfathomable expression in his cold eyes. 

"Excuse me?" There was utter disbelief in his words as he stared at her in amazement. 

Dante snorted, falling contentedly on the couch near Leppress. "Knowing her, she'll pick the food."He commented, watching his brother stare at Sash. 

"We all have our priorities."Leppress replied, falling back against Dante with a groan. "I'm so full!" 

"In her case, we all know it's the chow." His arms came up to hold the woman falling against him. 

She smiled. "I'd poke you, but I'm too full." 

"Food or me."Vergil simply shook his head, accepting the hug Sash gave him with a philosophical shrug. 

She smiled impishly, rising on tiptop to slide the tip of her tongue up the soft skin of his neck, feeling the controlled shiver before smiling at him. "Mmm. Tasty." 

He gave her a snort as she smiled. "Yeah, I am now." 

"A girl's gotta eat." Dante reminded his brother with a smile before turning towards Leppress, whose arms were still wrapped around her middle as she smiled. 

"I ate too much. And I topped it off with an entire glass of tea."She commented. Her eyes glazed in memory as she smirked. "And vanilla pudding. I would have rather had chocolate, but who am I to turn down dessert?" 

"Heh. We both got beat by edibles. Here I thought you'd like me better." He cocked his head towards his brother. 

Leppress poked him, offended. "You have your priorities, I have mine. I haven't eaten all day! And I do like you. But I like chocolate too." She sniffled, diving off the couch towards a little box. "God, I need my Benadryl now. Benadryl is god!" 

Dante snorted loudly at this, pulling her back with an arm as she gave him another offended look. "And no comments from the peanut gallery!" 

"Charlie Brown ain't here." He replied, eyes rolling as his brother wrapped his arms around Sash, burying his face in her neck with a conspiratory smile as her eyes glazed over. As if it was all that difficult to turn her to mush. 

He took advantage of the distraction to score himself, making Leppress lose track of her already scattered thoughts as he kissed her. As retaliation, Sash turned her face into Vergil's neck, blowing a raspberry against his skin. She must have bit him, for he hissed. 

"Don't be smug." Leppress commented, as she collected her thoughts again. 

He couldn't help but grin. "You wouldn't love me if I wasn't." 

"I've never seen you anything but." She answered, unable to keep the smile from her lips. 

He squeezed her about the waist softly, mindful of her full stomach. "I rest my case." 

"You're an evil woman." Vergil motioned to Sash, who merely laughed as he rubbed the spot on his neck where she'd bit him. He still had goose bumps. 

"What can I say? You're tasty. And you did throw doubt on whether I liked you or food." 

"And the consensus is?" He inquired, smiling softly. She moved closer again, sliding her tongue up his neck one more time nonchalantly. 

"Food, schmood. You." 

Leppress squealed at Dante's assertion, bringing Sash's and Vergil's attention to them. 

"The point flew right over your head like a 747, didn't it?" She ruffled his hair softly with one hand, hearing the soft snarl that seemed to form at the base of his throat. 

"Not surprising, all things considered." Vergil interjected, grinning. "He's not smart enough to catch a double entendre." 

"Did I hurt your ego?" She asked, leaning over him, only to have him snarl again. 

"Dammit." He grumbled, before pulling her down for a kiss as his hand rose to flip his brother off. 

"May I remind you, you are putting yourself on her side?" 

"Can't help it, when she's right, she's right." He shrugged. Sash laughed, slipping all the way to the ground with an oomph. 

She stretched on the floor, eyes closed, while Dante fumed, looking at Leppress. 

"Leave my hair alone, brat." He warned, a smug smile fighting to bloom as he held her hands well away from his silver tresses. He spared one look towards his brother. "Kiss ass, Bro." 

"Kiss this." Vergil flipped him off, his eyes on Sash as she lay on the floor. He slipped off the couch, laying besides her, an interested look in his eyes. "One thing we haven't tried." He smiled at her raised eyebrow. "The floor…" 

"But why? It's always so messy anyway and you don't mind!" Leppress struggled against his hold, fingers eagerly trying to reach his hair. Dante snorted again, throwing the words towards his brother over his shoulder. "Stick to your own, Bro. Two-timing can be bad for your health." But Vergil was no longer listening. Sash was looking at him with a half smile. "You in the mood for rug burns?" She almost purred the words at him as he flipped Dante off again, restraining her laughter. 

"I thought you might be." A softy, dusky color seemed to rise to his otherwise pale cheeks, eliciting a gasp from her. 

"Vergil! You're blushing!" Her laughter was soft, but her words brought everyone's attention to the older Sparda. This only caused his blush to deepen, turning his cheeks a dusky rose as he kissed her, hiding his face in her neck. 

"A camera! Quick!" Dante laughed, almost knocking Leppress off him in his urge to reach a camera. It didn't help that she was getting up at the same time, her eyes alight with laughter. "I have a digital!" She informed, scrambling over the couch and toward the small desk. "He's going online right now!" 

"You are so fucking cute!" Sash's grin was huge as she stared at him. 

He simply groaned. "Can I die now?" 

"Nope. Whatever it is I did, let me know so I can do it later when we're alone." She offered, licking her lips as she smiled at his distress. 

"Hurry up!" Dante urged Leppress, who vaulted back towards the couch, shiny object in her hand. 

Her next words were lost as she was suddenly tackled by a tall, silver haired half demon as he strove to save what little was left of his shredded reputation. Dante reached forward, seeing Leppress engaged in a loosing battle over the camera, trying to snatch it off their collectively wrestling hands. Vergil was faster, moving it out of the way before he could snag it while Leppress clawed her way up his arm in a bid to catch the camera. 

"You ain't getting it!" He informed Dante, before turning to Sash, who was getting to her feet and moving towards the pile of wrestling bodies. "And you, I'll tell later." 

"Gah! Let me go before I puke, Vergil!" Camera forgotten, she now strove to dislodge the devil hunter from on top of her full stomach. 

Sash offered Vergil a soft look. "You mean you're not going to tell me at all, aren't you?" She pouted. 

Wrestling Dante for the camera, he shot the words back over his shoulder. "Soon as I get this fucking camera away from these two lunatics!" 

Leppress made one more desperate attempt to reach the camera, forcing Vergil backwards. It was Sash who took matters into her own hands, snatching the camera off his hands from her vantage position and sticking it down her shirt with a grin, earning a laugh from Vergil. "Now that I can do." 

"Oh, I am not going there."Defeated as Sash took possession of the camera, Leppress simply let herself out of the human knot, sitting on the floor patiently. 

Dante, on the other hand, dove for the camera with a grin, making Sash squeal as she tried to run away. 

"I am! Anything for a picture of Vergil blushing!" 

"Get your fucking hands out of her shirt!" Vergil snarled, watching his brother grab Sash. 

"Hey! That's NOT the camera!" 

"He's not blushing now." Leppress looked from one brother to the other, her leg shooting out in a kick to try and get Dante's attention. She managed, making him wince and turn. 

"Ouch! What?" There was something in Leppress's eyes that made him stop. 

"Look behind you. Does raging bull mean anything to you? If so, I suggest you hide." Her head cocked towards Vergil, who stood near her, hands fisted, his countenance furious as he fixed Dante with a look. He didn't make a sound, but it was too easy to see the anger in the flaring of his nostrils. 

"You are going to be bedridden for a week." His voice was soft, too soft, as he advanced towards Dante and Sash. 

"Nope. Not saying a word." Leppress shook her head as Dante grabbed Sash, pulling her in front of him as a way to appease his obviously enraged brother. She made a small, choked sound as she watched him approach. 

"Vergil…wait...I'm in between!" Her words only seemed to enrage him even more. 

"Get away from her or we'll make it two weeks." 

Very carefully, he took Sash's arms in his hands. Dante considering holding on to her, but something told him it'd be safer for him to relinquish his hold now. As he did, Vergil set her slowly out of the way before reaching for his brother. He tried to dodge, but Vergil had been expecting it and caught him easily. 


	2. Chapter 2

Same song, different verse. Don't own...blah blah blah, don't sue..Blah blah blah.

Fiction, etc. There is some Mary Sue in this, but it's not blatant. 

Again copyrighted story, Sash and I DO own the story line. No taking, nobody gets hurt.

"Not so fast." His voice was too quiet, to calm, making Leppress stomach contract in fear. Dante tried as he could to appease he brother. 

"It was just a joke, Bro." 

"Was it?" There was a deadly look in his eye as he looked only at his brother. It was Sash who broke the uncomfortable silence that followed, her voice soft. 

"Vergil, put him down." She was terrified. She'd never seen Vergil this upset. Upset, yes, but he had been screaming at Dante then, not this deadly calm. 

"Not yet." He didn't look at her. 

"Fuck yes it was!" Dante glared right back, concerned not for his own health, but for his brother's reaction. 

"Please?" She begged. She really couldn't think of anything else to do, but felt that she needed to get the two of them apart as soon as possible. 

"And how would you feel if I did that to her?" His head moved toward where Leppress sat. She gasped at being singled out. 

"Hell, how would I feel?" 

"She'd bite your hand off and then I'd kill you." Dante snarled at his brother. 

"I think this is a good time to step back, Sash." Leppress voice was soft, barely reaching the younger woman as she hovered behind Vergil. 

"Exactly." Vergil's voice never lost the soft tone. "Take that as a warning." 

"But they're going to hurt themselves!" Her hand rose to Vergil's arms, ready to stop him if he tried to do something more than just hold Dante in place. 

"No worries. I wont hurt him." He dropped his hands, letting his brother go. 

"Dammit Vergil!" Dante glared, readjusting his shirt. "What is it with playing the guardian dog routine?" 

"Oh, and you wouldn't?" He actually sneered, a small relief from the utter silence. 

"It's ok, really. I'm fine." Always the peacemaker, Sash tried once again to separate the brothers, earning a single glance from Vergil. 

"Let me handle this, okay?" 

"I would've done it with a bit more finesse, maybe." Dante growled. "It's not as if you're going to fucking marry her!" 

"Fuck off." Vergil merely shook his head, not quite finding the words. 

"Stop it, Dante. You're heading into major asshole territory." Leppress warned, getting up from her safe spot on the ground. 

"Heading? Get the picture, he IS an asshole." Vergil sneered at her, earning a sneer in return. 

"Okay, fine. Whatever. I'll shut up, it's not worth it." Her eyes shifted towards Sash, who shuffled dejectedly towards the couch with a sigh, dropping her head on her knees. "And they call us bitches. Sash? You okay?" 

"Yeah. Their posturing is hurting my head again." Her words were muffled, but clear. 

"Yeah, mine too." Leppress commiserated. 

"I think that's the camera down your shirt." Dante provided with a small smile. 

"Better down my shirt than in your hands." She was forced to snicker as she gave him a rueful look. Vergil gave a soundless sigh. 

"It's not worth it." He looked impassively as Dante addressed him next. 

"You done now?" 

"What did I just say? It's not worth it. Let's drop it." 

"Were you two always this confrontational?" Leppress's tone took on a sarcastic edge. 

"Fine by me." Dante moved away from Vergil, wrapping his arms around her as he whispered. "What the fuck crawled up his butt and died?" 

"Love." Her response was equally quiet as Vergil took a seat by Sash, his voice soft, but gentle. 

"Sorry babe." The words were almost a whisper as he wrapped his arms around her slumped shoulders. 

"All he needs to do now is propose." Dante sighed, resting his head on her shoulder, his words still for her ears alone. "C'mon, you saw what an ass he was to her at first. Really think it can smack him that hard?" 

"Don't you? Some people fall hard." She reminded him softly. 

"It's ok." Sash leaned on him, resting her head on Vergil's shoulder. "I just don't like to see the two of you fight. Dante was just being silly." 

"I know." There was sadness in his words, but he didn't say any more. 

"Fuck yeah, people fall hard, but it's the first time I've seen him do it." 

"Cheer up." Sash demanded with a soft smile, hugging Vergil tightly. 

"Okay." His lack of enthusiasm was overwhelming. 

"I still have the camera." She revealed with an impish smile. His own smile turned wicked. 

"Revenge is a dish best served cold, they always say." 

"You've been separated for how long?" Leppress prodded softly. Dante was forced to smile at her. 

"A bunch of years. But I've never seen him react like this. Possessive, yes, but the whole rabid rottweiler routine, well, that's a new one." 

"Face it, he's growing up." 

"What are you going to do?" Sash inquired, curiosity mixed with wariness. 

"Watch and learn. Give it to me." He motioned to her to stay as he rose quietly, taking the camera soundlessly in his hand. He moved towards Dante, a feral look in his eyes. "Hey Bro…You've got another bee on ya!" 

Dante turned suddenly, a look of absolute panic in his eyes as the blood drained from his face. Vergil snapped the picture. 

"Gotcha!" 

"Oh my god, Vergil! That was evil!" Leppress burst into gales of laughter, her eyes skipping from Vergil's self-satisfied smile to Dante's shocked expression. "Evil but good!" 

"Oh my." Sash could barely believe her eyes as Dante shook his head to clear his eyes from the flash before snarling at Vergil, who took of running. Leppress collapsed in a heap on the floor. 

"Priceless!" 

"Come back here you chicken shit little…" 

"Blackmail!" Vergil's voice wavered as he dove over the couch to escape Dante's righteous wrath. Sash screamed, curling into a tight little ball as Dante vaulted over her and the couch as he followed Vergil, trying to tackle him. 

"You're still slow, little brother!" Vergil called back, laughing like a loon. 

"I'd hate to say it, but I think he really deserved it." Leppress snorted once, watching Sash wipe at the tears in her eyes that laughter had brought. Vergil ducked from under Dante, sliding across the floor in his bid to move away from his enraged brother. "Watch the camera! It's not a cheap one!" 

"Gimme that, you freaking asshole!" Dante scrambled back onto his feet, chasing after him as they ran around the couch. 

"I guess Vergil's learned a few things in Hell." Leppress smiled, moving out of the way. 

"Let's see who gets tired first!" Sash commented, keeping arms and legs within the safety of the couch as they crashed around her. 

"No fucking way! I got one on you, I know this place better. Catch me slowpoke!" With that, he took off running outside, his laughter echoing. 

"Watch it! It's cold outside…" A slamming door stopped her warning. She shrugged philosophically, moving to the window to see the two figures run after each other while Sash giggled on the couch. "Boys will be boys, I guess. Let's give them about five minutes." 

"I feel guilty now." Sash sighed, throwing her head back. All it earned her was disconcerted look from the blonde. 

"Guilty? Why?" 

"Ver was pissed. It was my fault." A snort. A chuckle. 

"Pissed?" Leppress shook her head in disbelief as she rose, opening the back door wide. "Didn't you see the look on their faces? At least they took it outside this time." 

"Yeah." Her lips curved in a small smile as she examined the leftover burn marks on the couch. "But still, Ver looked pretty angry." 

"Hell no. He had an idiotic look on his face." She moved to the front door, throwing it open. "And three, two, one. They come again." 


	3. Chapter 3

Same song, different verse. Don't own...blah blah blah, don't sue..Blah blah blah.

Fiction, etc. There is some Mary Sue in this, but it's not blatant. 

Again copyrighted story, Sash and I DO own the story line. No taking, nobody gets hurt.

The house erupted in chaos as two flaming lunatics sped right through, laughing maniacally as they did. Vergil was still ahead, the camera clutched tightly in his hand as he ran through the living room; his eyes alight with laughter and a certain amount of wickedness. Dante was bare steps behind him, his expression a tad darker, his eyes focused on his brother's back, his lips curved in a feral grin as he sped through, his bangs swinging wildly in front of his eyes as he ran pell-mell across the room. As soon as they had ran in, they ran right back out the back door, speeding out into the darkness with a whoop. Sash couldn't help but squeal as they ran by her before breaking out in giggles as they left. Leppress smiled, shaking her head slowly. 

"Having fun." Her words were soft as she moved to close the doors again. The draft was not good for either of them. 

"You've got them timed, don't you?" 

"I know morons." Leppress shrugged, taking a seat at the computer again. "And these two happen to be morons." 

"But adorable morons." Sash winked, smiling broadly, getting off the couch to peer through the window as they ran about. 

"Yes." Her eyes rolled in their sockets and heavenward with a barely repressed grin. "God help us. So, which one was laughing like a maniac?" 

Unable to stand still, she made her way to the window, catching glimpses of the two dark figures as they ran outside. "Em, that was Vergil. I'm pretty sure." 

"Yeah, I think you're right. The snarling one was Dante. Snarling and laughing at the same time. Haven't heard that one in, um, twelve hours or so." She grinned, watching with benevolent eyes. "Oops, there's a..." she winced, "…fence there." 

"Ow…painful." Sash looked slightly away, wincing as well. 

"Good thing we got rid of the barbed wire." She snickered. "Nothing like a wire to the gut, no siree. It's a good thing Ver's been out and about." 

"How did you manage that? We're going to have to put Dante back together by the time they're done." 

"I pissed him off enough to have him stomp out." There was no regret whatsoever in her words. "Oh, you're a bad one, all right." Something in her friend's eyes made her turn to the window again. "Watch out for that…never mind. They found the trees." 

"Monkeys!" Sash laughed, images of leather clad monkeys dancing through her head. 

"I guess we'll just have to sit and wait until the boys are done playing." Leppress's eyes rolled again. "How did we ever get so lucky?" 

"Dunno. We must've done something really good." Sash smiled again, heading back to the couch. 

"To be honest, my moron said he owed your moron a great big thanks. If it wasn't for him running off like that, he'd never have got together with me." She looked bland as pudding as she spoke, almost bored. "He has such a way with words." 

"My moron said a very similar thing." 

"Well, back to watch Tarzan and Jane. Ok, make that Tarzan and George of the Jungle." 

"Gah. Odd feeling to the gut." Taking a deep breath, Sash closed her eyes, whining softly. "What has that man done to me?" 

"Sash?" Not moving her eyes from the window, Leppress commented over her shoulder, her voice soft. "It's called falling in love." She smiled at the muttered curse from the couch before turning her attention back to the moron twins. "Now, to figure out which one's George. Hard to tell in the dark." 

"Dante, probably. Ok, Vergil, most likely. He doesn't take well to heights." Sash swallowed her own blushing to provide the answer. "Yeah, it'd be Dante in the trees. I can't see Ver doing that." 

"I thought Dante was chasing Vergil. How the hell did they end up the other way around?"Sash frowned, confused. 

"Oh, shit. Sash, grab that door! Hurry!" She literally ran to the door, throwing it open as fast as she could. Sash jumped right off the couch, barely reaching the other door in time to open it as they came rushing in. 

"Get me asshole! You still cant!" Vergil laughed, rushing through. 

"Hi Ver." Sash waved from her position at the door. "Bye Ver." 

"See ya babe!" he literally flew out the other door with a grin, vaulting down the steps and towards the trees again. 

"Come back here, you sumbitch!" Dante's roar carried as he sped through, chasing after his brother. Leppress waved as well, watching him approach. 

"Hey babe. See ya babe." She smiled, watching his grin widen. "Will be back in a minute with his head on a pike." He vaulted out the door after Vergil. 

"Dante, watch the first step…" There was a loud thud that made Leppress wince. 

Dante's voice was little more than a breathless whisper. "…Fuck." There was a soft growl from the darkness. "Fucking piece of shit." 

"Is he ok?" Sash's voice held concern, having heard the hit. 

"I don't know. I think he got hurt." 

"Ah, Bro? You ok?" Vergil stopped in his tracks, turning slightly. 

"Sorry, I tried to warn you it was steep…" Leppress's voice was deeply apologetic, cut off by Dante's groan. 

"Argh! Fuckfuckfucketyfuckfuckfuck! Oh, fuck me hard!" 

"Jesus!" She let go of the door, running outside. Sash rushed to close the door, trying to prevent the draft before moving towards the other door. 

"Hey, Dante. Oh, shit. Get up!"Vergil's voice took on a concerned tone. 

"Fucking ankle. Dammit!" Dante's voice rose into a pained growl. Watching Vergil already helping Dante, Leppress sprinted back inside. Ice. Ice was a very good thing. 

"Dammit, now is not the time to be too damn proud, lean on me, you fucker." Vergil growled as he tried to hoist Dante up, concern coating his words. 

"I hate you." He growled softly, but leaned on him with relief, limping up to the house. 

"Yeah, well, hate me later." 

"Let me take a look at it." Sash helped them both into the house, closing the door with a tired sigh. He was cursing. He'd live. "Just get him on the couch, Ver." 

"Ok. Damn man, you're fucking heavy." He snickered, trying to soothe the mood. 

His brother let himself fall on the couch, flipping him off in the process. "Fuck me." His voice was hoarse, his eyes flittering between Sash and his brother. "Both of you." 

"Oh, you are so pleasant when you're ill." Sash snorted, accustomed to his mood. Dante could be a bitch when he hurt. She turned to Vergil, whose eyes were still narrowed. "Help me get the boot off." 

"Maybe later." His hand rose to ruffle his brother's hair affectionately, which earned him a glare and a growl. "You always were a klutz." 

"I got ice!" Leppress skidded right into the living room in time to hear Dante snarl. 

"Who the fuck do you think you are, fucking Dr. Quinn?" Sash ignored him, offering her friend a grateful smile. 

"It'll come in handy, I'm sure." 

"Yeah, well, you cant live on a farm and not learn some first aid." Her smile was a tad shaky, but firmly in place. 

"Gonna have to get your boot off, Bro." He didn't want to even make out what Dante had muttered. It just sounded nasty. Sash went toe to toe with the sulking devil hunter, more used to his cranky moods than the others. 

"I'm the closest thing to a doctor you'll get. Now off with that boot!" 

"Let me do it." Vergil asked quietly at his brother's hiss. "He kicks like a mule when he's hurt." His smile was tight. "On the count of three, Bro. One. Two…" 

"Fuck!" 

"Three!" He yanked the boot clear off, exposing the extremely swollen ankle. 

Dante's eyes widened, lips compressed into a tight line. 

"Hello, head of cabbage." Sash whistled softly. 

"Looks like he sprained it pretty bad." Leppress peered over the back of the couch. She could almost hear him grit his teeth. 

"Next time try leaving the foot when you take the boot." 

"You're gonna wish I'd taken your foot in about five minutes. You never were one for doing shit half-assed, had to do it all the way." Vergil shook his head softly. "Never mind him, he's always a bitch when he's hurt. It's why he damn near killed me." His voice softened, as if he spoke only to himself. "More than once, I might add." 

"That fucking hurts!" Dante's bellowing conveniently took attention from Vergil, for which he was relieved. 

It was Leppress who caressed his cheek softly. "Sorry. I tried to warn you." 

Sash fumed, her lips tightening. "Dammit." She looked from one to the other, so alike, yet so different. "Will the two of you stop hurting each other already?" 

"Who's hurting who is up for discussion." Dante snorted, letting his head fall back. 

"Great end to a great evening. First Vergil goes rabid. Now this." 

"Yeah. Sorry about that." 

He looked slightly embarrassed over his outburst earlier, watching as Leppress sighed and tried to move away from the couch. There was just so much of the crank she could manage. Dante's arm snaked out, grabbing her by the wrist and plopping her down near him in a single smooth move while Sash sat on the ground, her chin tucked on her bent knees. 

"You stay right here. It's asshole's fault, not yours." His eyes turned to Vergil with half a smile. "I will get you back." 

"Counting on it." His grin returned full force. "Otherwise you wouldn't be my brother, would ya?" 

"Love ya, bitch. Will love you more when I kill you." 

"Yeah, love you too, bitchier than me." Vergil dropped down on the floor near Sash, grinning at his brother. "And uglier. You always were uglier." 

"You're both equally bitchy." Sash leaned against Vergil, slightly shaken from what had gone before, her voice soft as Leppress snickered. 

"Brotherly love, ain't it grand?" 

"I still look better in red." He flipped his brother off again, making Sash roll her eyes. 

"Yeah. Wonderful." 

"I look better in black." He seemed pensive. Dante snorted. 

"Right. Better my ass." 

"Better on my ass, too." He leaned down, whispering. "Teasing him. It keeps him from being so damned snarly. Rotten patient." 

"Honey, can you give me the boot he tore off back? I need to throw something at him." 

"I shouldn't have let him chase me. I heard her holler, tried to get back to him, but he'd already gone down." There was recrimination in Vergil's voice. Sash shook her head. 

"He wouldn't have gotten hurt if I hadn't stuck the camera down my shirt in the first place." 

"No."She was serious, readjusting the icepack on his ankle. 

"Well, can I at least get a hug? Now that I'm injured and all?" 

"Injured in the line of duty, huh?" 

"Yeah, the duty of killing annoying older brother's otherwise known as Vergil." 

"What made you go off on him like that, anyway?" Sash peered into his eyes, only to find a savage light as he whispered. "Mine." 

He seemed to snap, his voice bland as he shrugged. "I know he can get rough. I didn't want him hurting you." 

"Oh, c'mon." Leppress leaned closer, her words a whisper. "I saw you out there playing Tarzan. You were having fun." 

"I would have kneed him if he had." Smiling, Sash turned to Vergil. "It wouldn't be the first time I've done it, either." 

"You shouldn't have to." Stubbornly, he refused to let go. 

"Wanna be my Jane?" Eyebrows wriggling provocatively while he smirked, Dante wrapped his arms tighter around Leppress. She grinned. 

"What about Cheetah?" 

"You have to remember this is Dante. He's a goofball." Sash pushed on, softly in lecture mode, eyes soft as she tried to make a point. Vergil smiled, almost sadly. 

"Yeah, that he is. And he's my idiot brother." 

"She's got her own monkey to play with." His finger cocked towards Sash as she leaned against Vergil, but neither of them noticed. 

"You're terrible!" The snort turned into a laugh as it tore out of Leppress. 

"All the more reason to know he meant no harm." Her arms wrapped around Vergil with some difficulty, but she managed. "So, why did you get so mad at him?" 

"Dunno, to be honest." He seemed almost sheepish. "I saw him grab you and I saw red. Never happened before." 

She merely wrapped her arms tighter around him, waiting, not quite understanding. His own arms came around her. "I've never felt this way before, either." 

"I do try." Dante indulged in a mock head bow. 

"You do it very well." Leppress snickered into her hand. "God help you both." 

"Years of practice from putting up with him." He grinned towards his brother, noting the seriousness in his expression. He groaned softly, eyes rolling in his sockets. "Oh, great. Pair of saps are at it again." 

"Emotions were frowned on." Vergil plowed forward, a hand running through his somewhat messy hair as he tried to put feelings into words. "Remember were I was for about twenty years?" 

"It must have been hard." Her voice was a whisper. There was no way of knowing, nor was there any way to put into words the horrors he must've gone through. 

"Saps my ass." She frowned, staring into Dante's eyes as she caught on bits and pieces of the conversation happening mere feet from them. "He's been through a lot and you know it." 

"You have no idea. It's tough finding my feet. Having to watch everything you say, everything you do." There was unbearable sadness in his eyes, his shoulders slumping slightly forward. 

"You don't have to watch yourself anymore, you know?" Sash offered quietly. His eyes seemed to light up, warily at first. 

"Really?" At her nod, his lips curved ever so slightly as he leaned in for a soft kiss. 

"Thank you."She grinned. 


	4. Chapter 4

Same song, different verse. Don't own...blah blah blah, don't sue..Blah blah blah.

Fiction, etc. There is some Mary Sue in this, but it's not blatant. 

Again copyrighted story, Sash and I DO own the story line. No taking, nobody gets hurt.

"Anytime." 

"I know he's been through a lot." It was Dante's turn to be quiet, his words barely carrying beyond his lips on a sigh. "And I'm fucking proud of him for getting through it. I guess I worry about him." His voice turned cold, eyes glaring. "And if you tell him I'll kill something." 

"No worries, I wont say a word." Her hand rose Boy Scout style. She couldn't, however, keep the smile from her lips. "You're proud of him, huh? See?" Her arms tightened around him suddenly. "Big, old, soft, squishy heart in there…Mr. Hero." 

"No hero." His head shook sadly, seriously. "The fucker's still my brother. He got out of hell half sane. How could I not be proud of him?" 

"Oh, but I seem to remember that stupid ass comment you made to Lucia about 'every hero has his weakness'." She prodded with a smile before she broke out into ill-disguised snickering. "So original, Dante dear." 

"Oh, low blow girl…" Vergil's voice was a whisper as he hid his face in Sash's neck to prevent his laughter from carrying. She merely grinned. 

"That doesn't count. The chick was freaky to say the least." His snort was mocking. "Main reason why I refused to talk to her. The least said, the better." 

"Oh really?" 

"Hell yeah. Always going on about destiny and fate." His hand rose to his temple, finger moving in circles in the vicinity of his temple in the international sign for 'loony'. 

"And that makes me curious. What is your weakness?" Her eyes skipped down. "Aside from your ankle?" His smile was saccharine sweet as he turned to her. 

"You, of course." Her giggle was high pitched, color riding high on her cheeks. 

"Like I said, big squishy heart." 

"Great. Now she's blushing too." Dante's sigh was that of a martyred soul. 

"Where's the camera?" Vergil asked with a conspiratorial smirk. Panic flooded Leppress's eyes. 

"You did not drop it. Tell me you didn't drop it." Her groan echoed in the sudden silence. 

"I think you might have dropped it outside, Ver." Sash whispered, as quiet as she could. Leppress heard her, regardless. 

"Where exactly outside? We have three horses, remember? Horses are heavy." 

"Oh, you're in deep shit Ver." Dante's grin was a match to Sash's laughter. 

"Yeah, the horses said hi when we went running past them." 

"I'm sure they like people. Even half demons." Her head dropped on Dante's shoulder with a sigh. "You chased him." 

"But I didn't catch him." He pointed out. "He's the one with the floppy hands." He watched, amused, as Sash crawled her way over to him, peering under the cold pack with analyzing eyes. 

"Swelling's going down. You should be fine in a couple days." 

"Give him another half hour. Quick healers, remember?" Vergil swallowed a smirk, his expression sheepish as he moved something discreetly behind his back with a discreet wink to Sash. 

"Yeah, well, still worried about him." She tried to maintain a steady inflection to her words as she spotted the metal colored object behind Vergil's back. 

"Yeah, you should be, it is your fault after all." Dante's voice was sardonically mocking as he stared at his brother as he got off the ground. The moment he began to walk towards him, he could just feel something was up. His palm landed on the back of Leppress's head, firmly, but gently, as he pushed her down into his shirt. 

"Hey!" Her complains were muffled as Vergil leaned to whispers something in Dante's ear before returning to his spot on the floor. "Get your hand off my head, please?" 

"Why?" Dante's voice was bland, his eyes conspiratorial as Sash frowned at Vergil. 

"I had to let him in on it." He whispered. "I owe her for the Jaws bit." 

"Because…" her voice was muffled as she spoke. "I cant…breathe…" 

"You two are terrible." Sash giggled, her whispers carrying barely beyond Vergil, who grinned as he leaned down to kiss her. 

"Aren't we just?" 

"Aw." Dante's voice was almost mocking again. "Should I find other ways to leave you breathless?" Leppress's eyes widened, her heart making a wild leap into her throat before he moved in for a kiss that would have knocked her off her feet if she'd been standing. She stared at him dazedly. 

"Huh. So that's how you do it." Vergil stared at the speechless woman with interest. "I'll have to remember that next time she starts rambling about the house, the cats, the damned web pages and turning me into a freaking jackass." Dante growled softly at him, eliciting a chuckle from his brother. "See? We're very much alike, Bro. Get over it." 

"Lep?" Sash sounded oddly lost. "Remember that thing you said while they were running around about what that funny feeling was called?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You're way too big and too loud." Dante shot back at Vergil's assurance. 

"You were right." There was absolute terror in Sash's eyes. 

Leppress gasped, her own eyes widening. 

"Oh my. Well." 

"What are the two of you talking about?" Vergil frowned, looking from one to the other. 

"Nothing." The word was rushed in between deep breaths. 

He peered closer. "What's so scary? C'mon, tell me." 

"I know how she feels." Leppress snuggled up closer to Dante with a sigh. 

"Nothing. Really, it's fine." Her eyes skipped over his, searching for a topic to deviate the conversation from its current one. 

"Feels about what?" Dante was thoroughly confused. 

"What?" With more patience than he felt, Vergil tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. 

"…Love." She was forced to smile as it dawned onto Dante. He smirked, looking at his brother. 

Well, if this wasn't going to be fun. "Know that little funny feeing you get when you look at someone special, and want to kill anyone who touches the one you get that funny feeling about? THAT feeling?" He nodded slowly. "Yeah. That feeling." 

Her voice dropped a notch. "Of course, when you basically shouted it out…I sort of figured." 

"Happens every time I look at you." Dante smiled softly, forced to catch Leppress as she melted. 

"Just hold me, okay?" Sash lowered her eyes as fast as possible. He did as she asked, but persisted. "So tell me." 

"You thought I put up with Vergil for nothing?" He grinned. 

"I…" She swallowed hard, gathering as much courage as she could around herself. "IthinkI'minlovewithyou." His arms moved slowly away from around her, causing Sash to bite down hard on her lip. 

"Yeah? You think?" His voice was soft. "Well, I know I do." 

"Oh, admit it. You like her and you love your brother." Leppress grinned almost diabolically as she moved closer. 

"You…you did?" 

"Silly girl. Hell yeah." He grinned broadly at her confused expression. "I seem to recall saying it more than once." 

"But we were…I mean…" 

"Big old soft squishy heart there. And I adore it." She smiled, her voice turning into a whisper as she tuned out the second conversation. "And you." 

"Good." Dante wrapped his arms tighter around her, ignoring the comments on his soft and squishy heart. He'd get her for that eventually. 

"Goofball." 

"Just for you, keep that in mind." 

"I don't just say that to anyone." Vergil was serious as he looked at her. 

"I didn't know." Sash's voice was little more than a shy whisper. 

"You didn't know?" It was his turn to be awed. 

"Could have been the heat of the moment…right?" She desperately tried to grab on to something, failing, as Vergil's face became stoic. 

"No." 

"Ten bucks say he proposes." Dante whispered, his arms firm around Leppress's waist, as Sash seemed to melt into a puddle. Vergil would either propose, or be forced to scrape her off the floor. 

"Love you, brat." His words were soft, before he stopped, frowning. A look of utter dismay came into Vergil's eyes. "Gah! I sound like him!" 

"Gee, ya think?" Leppress laughed, even as she sneered slightly. Her head was immediately shoved back into his shirt. 

"Hell, I can make some quick cash out of them." He snorted, even as he kept her head down, catching bits and pieces of the teary love declarations. It was so sweet it was making him gag. 

"You opportunist!" Her words were muffled, making him smile against her hair. 

"Your point?" 

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Vergil's voice rose abruptly, a smile pulling at his lips. "Having a freaking moment here and you two have to get all emotional!" Sash giggled, wiping tears from her eyes. 

"What type of moment are we having?" 

"Fucked if I know." His own smile was wide, his hair in disarray over bright eyes. 

"Countdown to proposing in three…two…one…" Dante grinned, causing Leppress to turn sharply towards him. 

"You're serious, aren't you?" 

"I can see it happening." He shrugged, listening with half an ear to a second round of sappy declarations of everlasting love. Well, not quite, but it was still too sweet for his taste. "Not sure I want Sash in the family, though." He grinned. "I'd be happy if they took their time. A long time. But ten bucks can buy some shit." 

"Cheap date, babe." 

"I heard that!" Vergil called over Sash's head as she burst out laughing. 

"I was talking about him!" Her hand pointed at Dante, who merely smiled at her outrage. "Sheesh!" 

"Ok, yeah, he's cheap." 

"Love you too, Vergil." Dante deadpanned, bored. 

"My heart's all aflutter." He deadpanned back. Sash was forced to laugh, batting her eyelashes at him. 

"Is it?" He looked down, an odd expression on his eyes. 

"For you? Yes." He rose so suddenly she almost squealed, stalking towards the couch and wrapping his arms around Dante's lapels. Pulling him off the couch, he kissed him square on the lips. "But, my darling, I lust you so very much." Leppress couldn't help it, falling across the couch in a heap, laughing at the show. 

"The fuck!" Dante's voice was enraged as Vergil began to set him down. His own hands grabbed a hold of his brother's shirt, pulling himself up viciously, his ankle hanging precariously in the air, kissing him for all he was worth. "The fuck you're getting away with a cheap snog!" 

"Well." Sash's eyes widened as the snort tore out of her. "Vergil really did let go, didn't he?" 

"Oh, baby, lets get it on." Vergil purred, sending the girls into gales of laughter at the bad porn star voice. "I want you. I neeeed you." 

"You're gonna have to carry me." Dante's lips twitched as he tried to repress a laugh. "Not too steady on my feet here…must be lust." 

"Oh! A proposition!" 

"Indecent, no less." Dante nodded in agreement, his eyes narrowing as Vergil patted his head. 

"Yeah, you're not worth much more." His head moved, in an attempt to bite his brother's hand with a growl while Leppress rolled off the couch in a fit of giggles. 

"Mrrw, baby!" 

"Oh you bite!" Vergil hissed. "You know just how much that turns me on!" The two females were unable to stop themselves as he ran his hands over his body in the most absurd parody of a stripper they had ever seen. 

"Oh stop! Please! Gonna die here!" Gasping, laughing, unable to catch her breath, Leppress did her best to return a semblance of normalcy to the situation while Sash resorted to curling up into a little ball while she laughed. 

Dante didn't even spare them a look as he grinned, hands switching from his brother's shirt to his ass. "Oh yeah baby. You're asking for it." 

"Give it to me good, babe." Vergil grinned back. Leppress rolled on the floor, caught in gales of laughter. 

"You're not gonna walk straight for a week." Dante warned, his voice low, his smile firmly in place. "Counting on it, honey." Vergil fairly purred the words back. 

"Honey?" It was all the girls needed to hear to come unglued, gasping for breath as they laughed, busting a gut on the floor at the two mostly oblivious males. Dante offered a soft growl. 

"Oh yeah, Sweety. You know it." 

"Ow. Fucking ow." Leppress wrapped her arms around her aching stomach, tears flowing freely down her eyes. Sash pounded the floor with her fist, unable to breathe as her face slowly turned red. 

"Oh my precious!" Vergil's voice rose in pitch. "You know how much it turns me on when you talk so dirty…" 

"God, Ver you make a horrible gay guy." Dante gave up, arching his neck back as he laughed uproariously, tears squeezing at the corners of his eyes. Vergil's grin was a wide match to his own. 

"Gawd, I hope so." He snickered. "Precious. Baby sweet cakes. Lover boy!" He grinned even wider as he saw Sash fan herself rapidly with her hand, gasping, unable to breath through the laughter. With a final smile he slapped his brother's ass with little concern and strutted away, letting Dante flop back to the couch in a pile of laughter. 

"Oh my god, Vergil, you're the uber drag queen! The Queen of Bitches!" Leppress gasped out as she tried to crawl back onto the couch next to a snickering Dante. The older Sparda turned with a conceited smile, sketching a small bow for her that had her in stitches yet again. 

"Thank you, very much." He winked before lifting Sash off the floor and into his arms as she gasped for breath. 

"Great. My brother's gonna turn into a drag queen on me. Literally." 

"You know it babykins!" Still holding Sash as upright as possible, Vergil turned to face his brother, blowing mocking kisses in his direction. The exchange only caused Sash to start laughing again, collapsing against Vergil on her way to the floor. 

"If any of us is going to be gay here, it's gonna be him." Dante pointed out calmly. 

"Nah, no worries. Not gay." His grin would have been at home on a shark. "I guess it's you Snookywookums!" 

"Snookywookums? Oh my fucking god!" The word sent Leppress into a new spate of hilarity, her voice taking on a childish quality. "Oh Dante snookywookums!" 

"Still too slow bro!" Vergil commented as he dodged the boot thrown at him by Dante. 

It was too much. Sash's eyes simply rolled inside their sockets and she fell straight to the ground. Or would have fallen, had it not being for Vergil's arms around her waist and his truly magnificent reflexes. She simply hung in midair for a moment before he hoisted her up and against him to keep her from falling. His eyes were filled with wonder. Dante snorted, not unkindly. 


	5. Chapter 5

Same song, different verse. Don't own...blah blah blah, don't sue..Blah blah blah.

Fiction, etc. There is some Mary Sue in this, but it's not blatant. 

Again copyrighted story, Sash and I DO own the story line. No taking, nobody gets hurt.

"She did it again." 

"Ha. There she goes. She can't laugh that hard without fainting." He informed his awed brother. His grin was feral. "You just wait until my ankle's healed, honeybunches." 

Leppress's head swung around to face him, her jaw unhinged. "Honeybunches?" 

Vergil snorted, holding on to the unconscious woman in his arms. "Kiss my oh so fine ass, lover boy." 

"Heh. Can dish it out as well as he can." He pursed his lips, blowing mocking kisses at him. "You're going to have to bring it closer. Someone made me an invalid." 

"Kinda got my hands full with Sleeping Beauty here, but give me a minute and I'll be glad to join you, you sex god, love of my life." Before him, Sash's head rolled, her eyes fluttering open, trying to assimilate the fact that she was standing up. 

"What the hell…?"Her voice was a confused whisper. Nevertheless, it created a flurry of activity around her as Dante bounced, grinning. 

"Oh! She's up! Come here and fulfill every girl's fantasy, you hunk of a half devil!" His voice was a screech, so out of place with him it made Leppress chortle slightly. Vergil's smile curled like a lazy cat in front of the fire as he looked down at Sash, setting her carefully on her feet. "Hey Sleeping Beauty. You ok?" She nodded, gripping his shoulders tightly as she attempted to regain her balance. "I was just gonna go fuck my brother, but since you're awake, now you can watch!" His grin bordered on psychotic as he turned towards the couch with a dramatic sigh. "Goody! I'm coming my love!" 

"I would have never believed it." Leppress was almost beyond the point of common sense as she watched the tableau developing before her. 

Sash sat down on the floor hard as Vergil let her go, her eyes huge. "I know I told him to let loose…but this is almost too much." 

The twins spared one look towards them, some well kept secret in their smiles. Vergil pounced. He landed on top of Dante with a muted thump, the force of the hit making the couch tip over slightly. Terrified at possibly tipping over, Leppress dove off the couch and onto the floor, landing on top of Sash, whose eyes were owlish as she looked on. Dante arched upwards, flipping Vergil and himself over the top of the couch and onto the floor behind it. The front legs of the couch fell back to the ground with a thump. 

"Ow. Fuck you're fat, Vergil!" Vergil's voice rose in tone and pitch, both brothers hid from view by the massive couch they had almost toppled over. 

"Oh God, yes, baby! YES! YOU ARE GOD!" 

Leppress belted out a laugh, not only at the words, but at the tone in which he said them, holding on to her convulsing stomach. "Ow, my stomach!" 

"OH yes…fuck me!!…. YES!" 

Hilarity was replaced by amused terror as Dante's voice became as high pitched as his brother's. "Fuck! No! Not the Mickey Mouse voice!" She begged. None of them paid attention obviously, by the loud panting that could be heard from behind the couch. Sash was laughing again, her open palm hitting against the floor in an effort to restrain herself, but it was no use. Her eyes widened enough to occupy half her face as words reached them from the other side of the couch. 

"Oh my god, you're so BIG!" Yes, Dante could definitively squeal like a girl. Vergil hissed. 

"Take it like a real man, you bitch…God, I love it when you're nasty!" 

"Fucking hell!" Words came between gasps as the girls held on to each other against the onslaught of hilarity. 

"How about you get to be my bitch for a change?" Dante's attitude all but spilled over the back of the couch, followed by a series of scrapes and thumps that had the females staring straight at the old couch in wonder and slight disgust. 

"What the hell are they doing?" The breathless whisper was followed by a high-pitched giggle as Sash lost her balance, falling forward onto the floor. 

"Yaoi heaven!" She squealed, tears streaming down her face as Leppress wiped similar tears from her own cheeks. 

"Oh, yes you big hunk of a man. SPANK ME BABY!" Dante's voice held an edge of amusement as this outburst. 

"Who's taking it like whose bitch now, huh?" 

"Oh god, make them stop!" Sash fell back, her head banging cleanly against the floor as she tried, and failed, to regain a semblant of civility. Like a half crazed jack in the box, Vergil popped up from behind the couch, eyes alight and hair in disarray, a wild smile on his lips. 

"Yaoi my ass! This is LOVE!" A hand popped from behind the couch, wrapping itself around his shirt before pulling him back down. 

"Shut the fuck up and kiss me. I know better things you can do with your lips." 

"Oh, you're my master baby…" Vergil's words were slightly muffled. Somehow. 

"Oh sweet mother of god." Leppress was having problems breathing, thinking, and basically doing anything that wasn't laughing like a veritable loon. 

"It hurts!" Sash curled up in an attempt to contain spasming belly muscles. 

"Oh baby, that's what he's saying!" Vergil commented loudly over the couch, his voice still pitched high. "Hurts so good, baby!" 

"Much better, bitch." There was amused pride in Dante's voice as a series of muffled noises cut him off. " Ooh…let's make it hurt some more, shall we?" 

"I'm your bitch for life!" 

"I can't breathe…stop now!" 

"I've fallen in love with a pervert!" Dismay coated Sash's words as she heard his vow of undying love. Servitude. Whatever Vergil was actually vowing to be. 

"Now say after me, 'Daddy Dante owns my ass'." 

"And you love it Sash!" Vergil bounced back up over the couch, blowing his very messy bangs out of his face. "Oh, and Daddy Dante owns my ass, you slut!" He sneered at a particular spot below him before diving back behind the couch. 

"They're fucking insane!" Leppress howled. 

"God! Make them stop! Please!" 

"Slut? You're my bitch, Vergil. And an easy one, too." 

"OUCH! You fuck; did you have to do that so fucking hard? But...Oh I love it!! Do it again!! You're my whore admit it!" 

"Harder? Sheesh, you're harder to please than Lep! But you take it so very well..." 

"Oh baby! Yessssssss make me cum!" 

"Oh my god! He didn't just say that, did he?" Leppress turned to Sash with watering eyes while the younger woman bit her hand hard to stop the laughter while she wiped tears from her eyes. "Ow. Ow. Ow. My stomach's all knotted up!" 

"Oh, like that, don't we? Come on, Honeybunches, you can do it!" Dante encouraged. 

"Oh yesssssss precious, honey, sweety, lover.... Oh my sweetest baby cakes...Demean me you gorgeous hunk of bitch you!" There was a low thump as Sash flopped belly first onto the floor with a soft whine almost disguised by Leppress's squeal. 

"Stooooooooooop.... cant take it anymore..." 

"Can't laugh any...more…going...to...........die................" 

"Fuck yeah, BABY! Fuck me all the WAY!" Dante took no pity on their begging, even as Sash began an arduous crawl towards the back of the couch on her belly. 

Vergil's voice rose in the highest pitch imaginable to mankind. "Ooooooooooh yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssss baby!" 

"Stop them…. Sash…Stop the insanity!" 

"Oh yes, that's my bitch!" Dante's voice was a squeal. 

"I'm your bitch for life baby!" Vergil squealed almost as loudly as his brother, making Sash snort and roll on her back, loosing her balance. 

"I cannot believe that sound came from him..." She muttered, mostly to herself, the words covered easily by Dante's grunt. 

"Oh baby!" Vergil popped over the edge of the couch one last time, offering Sash a smoldering look where she lay, eyes bright through his fall of hair, his tongue peaking out to lick his upper lip. "Oh, believe it, baby." He was yanked down once again with a whoop as the younger woman cracked up again. "Oh, my love!" 

Sash rose with what little determination she could muster, dragging herself the final few feet towards the couch, spilling on the ground until only her head and shoulders were in view of the area behind the couch the two brothers had been inhabiting in relative peace until then. Dante and Vergil were comfortably sitting on the ground, their backs towards the couch, looking oddly rumpled. Dante was the first to react to her presence, his face splitting with a grin, voice pitched high. 

"Threesome!" Vergil grinned as he reached for her, pulling her completely behind the couch and onto him, due to her lack of balance as she bent in half in a fit of giggles. "Oomph! Guess you got your sandwich, babe!" 

"Hey…wait!" Leppress scrambled her way across the room, watching Sash disappear into the black void of confusion that had become the back of the couch. She managed to crawl over the couch, only to top forward face first. Ouch!, her mind thought, seen images of her own broken head as it collided with the floor, but Dante was faster, snatching her out of the air with a grin. "Jackpot!" 

"ORGY!" Vergil announced with a grin that had Sash in stitches as she tried to get up, only to fall face first on his lap. He laughed, eyebrows wriggling. "Well she knows what she's doing! Go for it with gusto babe!" She bit his leg, albeit without any strength. "Oh, she wants to play!" 

"I'm dying!" Leppress's breath hitched as she tried to recover, facing a smirking Dante. "It hurts!" 

"Gives a whole new meaning to multiple orgasms, doesn't it?" He pulled her up as she bent over. "Easy, Lep!" 

"Cant…in knots…" 

"Careful, Ver, she's looking purplish again." Dante's head cocked towards the fallen Sash, who was twitching spastically with laughter. 

"Speak for yourself, Snookums." Vergil blew him a kiss as he pointed towards an equally red in the face Leppress. 

"She'll never compare to the stud of a man you are, Snookums, but she'll do for now." Dante's grin turned diabolical. She squeaked. 

Vergil's eyes widened, his smile flashing and gone before they could see it and he was off again, lifting Sash in his arms and in front of him while he squealed. "Oh a MOUSE! Save me!" He grinned as Sash began to laugh again, holding on to him as hard as she could. 

"I don't want to know what those hands have touched, Ver!" 

"There's a big, mean mouse! Save me PLEASE!" 

"Stop!" Leppress demanded, laughing hard enough to make her entire frame shake. 

"Oh, honeybunches, a mouse?" Dante looked politely concerned, an arm firmly around the woman coming unglued near him before he grinned. "If I gave a fuck, I'd save your delectable little ass, but I don't." 

"For the love of the entire human race, stop!" 

"Oh, but you did give a fuck. And you gave it very well, but I have my own hero!" His arms tightened on Sash as she dropped her head on his shoulder, missing Dante's choirboy smile. 

"She's making the most amusing sounds." Vergil commented as Sash gasped into his shirt, fighting for breath. Dante cocked his head to the side, pensive. 

"Hmm... True. I wonder what all she was listening to." He grinned innocently as Vergil looked inquiringly at the woman in his arms. "But...why? Me and baby cakes here were just loving each other." 

She snorted loudly, gasping. "I can't laugh anymore… oh god..." 

"Baby cakes? Whose baby cakes got unbabyfied here?" Dante demanded with a smile. 

Leppress wheezed, choking on her own laughter. "Baby cakes!" 

"Oh ok fine." He gave in reluctantly. Sash stood still, waiting for them to crack the next joke that would send them into a new spate of hilarity. Vergil grinned at Dante. Dante grinned at Vergil. 

Leppress squeaked. "Oh no." 

"The two of you are terrible!" Sash scolded, beating on Vergil's shoulder with no strength whatsoever. 

"… Honeybunches." Dante's voice was a whisper. 

"My little snooty wootums sugarcakes." 

Sash groaned. Leppress snorted. They hiccupped. Dante's smile turned into a self-satisfied smirk. 

"Oh no! NOT hiccups!" 

"ACK!" Her hand splayed wide against her chest as her diaphragm bounced around, eyes wide. It hurt! "Ow. Fuck me! That hurts!" For all her passiveness, the women seemed to change parts, Sash becoming the sailor while Leppress stared owlish, shaking with each hiccup. 

"Is that a proposition?" Vergil turned interested eyes towards the woman shaking almost rhythmically as she tried to breathe normally. 

"Ow. Dammit." Hiccups broke her words, but something in Vergil's eyes made her laugh again, the chortling cut short by a vicious hiccup as Leppress collapsed into a heap again. "FUCK!" 

"Great, they broke. A little love goes a loooong ways, doesn't it Ver?" 

"Oh ouch!" Leppress abandoned all semblance of politeness. "Hic...my Hic...fucking...hic.... stomach." 

"Hic…Ah! Oh god it hurts!! Hic… stop them...." The brother's grins turned downright feral. 

Leppress's eyes widened as she backed away slowly with an inquisitive look. "What?" She backed straight into Vergil before Dante pounced on her, knocking her easily into his brother. Sash was knocked off Vergil and onto the floor with a new collection of hiccupping noises. "Ack! Hi hic!" 

"Oh fuck." She writhed on the next hiccup. 

"Hiya sweety!" Vergil's eyes crossed as he stared intently at Leppress, wriggling his eyebrows at her. 

"Oh god!" 

"Who the fuck slipped him crack?" Sash demanded, hiccups all but forgotten as she laughed yet again. 

Vergil moved easily from underneath Leppress, rolling onto her with a smile. "You screeched?" 

"No, no, no, Sash, dearest. We didn't slip him crack but IN the crack." Dante pointed out with a grin. 

Leppress snorted, giggling. "Nooooooohicoooooooooohicoooooooofuckithic." 

"Owie." Sash snorted, looking from Dante to Vergil as he loomed over her, but Dante wasn't looking at her. 

"As you please. One order of fuck it, coming right up!" 

"And lover boy you are so good..." Vergil remarked with dreamy eyes. Sash punched down on the floor again, wriggling. 

"Yeah, I know I'm good." 

"Stop it Dante!" 

Vergil grinned from her to his brother. "But snookums I want it again." He pouted as Dante licked his lips. 

"Gah! Hic!" 

"Stop it right now or I'm calling all the yaoi fan girls over!" Sash threatened, with little success as Vergil's hand rose dramatically to his forehead and he yelped. 

"Oh my whatever will we do? Oh SAAAAAAAAVE ME DANTEWANTE!" 

"Oh sweet Jesus!" Leppress's eyes rolled. Sash was reduced to begging with a teary laugh. 

"Ohgodpleasestop...I'll do anything, just stop!" "I say hic amen sista!" 

" OH WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGIL!" 

"I say Hallelujah my brother! Can you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it!" Not to be undone, Vergil's voice rose yet again in the most god-awful televangelist voice any of them had ever heard. Sash's head rose only to drop back on the floor with a bang as she laughed. Leppress stared at Vergil with horror. 

"OH MY GOD!" 

Dante's distressed whimper rose above her awed exclamation. "Oh no! Whatever did you do to my snookums?" 

"Yes, that's the general idea." Vergil turned seriously to Leppress before switching back to his mock televangelist imitation. "Tell me brother, CAN YOU FEEEEL IT!! SAY AMEN!" His head dropped, only to come back up on a grin. "Snookums found the light...the light of his life...My brother, my god of love...my lover boy super stud!" 

"Oh please...anything you want.... just stop." Sash collapsed again, the words echoing loudly in her ears, making her bust a gut for the umpteenth time that night. 

Leppress wasn't far behind while Dante grinned unashamedly. 

"Please?" 

"Snookums?" 

"What, my love?" 

"What ya think? Do we take them up on the offer?" 

Vergil paused, thoughtful. "Hmm....Nah." 

"Oh no!" Despair dripped from Leppress's words. Sash ruined her graceful pout with a hiccup that had her jumping. "Fuck!" Her eyelashes batted softly at Vergil. "Vergil, please!" 

"Can you feel it brother, say amen!" With nary an evil grin, the older Sparda resumed his mocking speech, smacking his brother's ass in the process. 

"Hic oh...fucking...hic...hell..." 

"Mrrrw, brother Vergil...oh, I can feel it alright." Dante licked his lips, wriggling his butt much to the females' amusement. 

"Sweet god…just kill me." Sash lay immobile, except for the occasional snort and hiccup she didn't seem to be able to control. 

"I say yes my brother!" 

"No, you say 'yes master'." Dante corrected with a soft grin. Leppress gave up with a snort, deciding to join the fun. 

"Well...hic...we...could.... always...say...the...umm...hic...Our Father?" 

"No amateurs please this is our show." Vergil replied almost snootily while Sash did her best to roll away from the assorted nuts she had landed in between of. 

"Air.... need air." She didn't get too far, as Vergil grabbed her suddenly, getting to his feet and pulling her way above his head. Her eyes widened as she looked down, her feet dangling several feet in the air. "We have here a pooooooooor soul who has been lost to the ways of sin...Say amen..." 

Dante goosed Leppress as she watched, entranced. 

"Gah!" 

"She needs to be cleansed of the bad spirit that has taken her...Amen." 

"Oh my god." Leppress could see the blood drain from Sash's face as she dug her nails in Vergil's shoulders, choking slightly on her own words. 

"The fuck? Vergil put me down! Heights bad!" She begged. 

He paid no attention to her, but turned to Leppress with a wink. 

"That's the idea, yes. You catch on quick. Tell her Snookums." 

Dante immediately complied with the request by wrapping his arms around Leppress and pulling her back, grinning like an idiot. 

"Heh. I found another lost little lamb." 

"She shall be saved! Saved I tell you!" 

"Oh have I died and went to hell?" She hiccupped yet again, looking at Dante with owlish eyes. 

"Put me down!" Sash was pale, her eyes wide as she looked down, hyperventilating slightly. Vergil smirked at her before letting her slide down his body until her eyes crossed. "Heaven, my dear, heaven." He grinned at her. "Oh goddess. You are insane, Vergil." She hung, mostly boneless from his neck, relieved at being able to feel the ground under her feet. That, at least, was good. 

"Insane? Why no, I am perfectly sane thank you." 

Leppress hiccupped, laughing as she snorted at Vergil's utterly serious tone. Sash giggled, tripping over her own feet and collapsing against his chest. Dante laughed, shaking his head slowly. 

"That was fun. Let's do it again." Vergil smiled at the idea. 

Leppress panicked. "No. Nonononohicno." 

"Love you, crazy boy." She whispered in Vergil's ear, rubbing her nose against his neck, making him grin. 

"Love you too silly girl. I say amen." He grinned at her panicked expression, particularly when a savage hiccup broke it. 

Dante jumped to his feet, grabbing a hold of Leppress as he swung her into his arms and over his shoulder with practiced ease. 

"Hey! I thought…hic...you...were...hurt?" 

"I heal fast." 

"Oh hic...yeah...hic.... stop staring at my chest." 

"But...How will I ever manage without my sugar honey pie?" Grinning against Sash's neck, Vergil whined. 

"Wont...I be enough?" 

"Yeah you will." 

"Well, he does have a point there." Dante smirked, listening to Vergil's mock whining. 

Leppress smacked his back softly, hanging upside down on his shoulder as she was. 

"Ok go play drag queen if you must. But I'll just find another toy to play with while you're at it." She threatened. He simply laughed at her. 

"That was fun." He grinned. "This will be better." 

"Will it?" 

"Fuck yes." 

"Mmm. Take me Snookums then, take me!" Her voice was mocking. 

"Gladly." 

"So, what was this about a goddess? I thought I was your god?" Vergil grinned softly at Sash. Her expression turned serious. 

"You are." 

"Perfect." He smiled. 


End file.
